Unfortunately, I'm not.
Unlike what most of my clients think.
They bad-mouth the public defender, calls us public "pretenders." Public "offenders." Mostly because we can't get their case dismissed and have the prosecutor and the judge give them a public apology. "If you were a REAL lawyer, I wouldn't be here."
If you didn't have 50 grams of meth in your house, and give the cops permission to search, your case might be dismissed.
If you didn't give the police a taped statement about the multiple times that you have had sex with your underage girlfriend, your case might get dismissed.
If you didn't blow a .249 after the police found your car up against a building and you passed out behind the wheel, your case might get dismissed.
If you didn't call your wife from the phone at the jail, with the sign below it that says "This line is monitored and recorded," asking her to tell the police that she lied and that you didn't hit her, your case might get dismissed.
But by the time I get involved, it's pretty much too late, with few exceptions. Accept it and get over it. I AM NOT A MIRACLE WORKER.
And don't write the state attorney and the judge and tell them I'm not doing anything for you. Ok, maybe I didn't spend as much time with you as you would have liked. Sorry about that. But I have 100 other people whose cases are just as bad as yours that I have to work for also.
If I could ask two things of my clients it would be this:
Give accepting responsibility for YOUR actions some thought, instead of coming up with more extensive and creative ways to try to insult me. Remember when you were little, and you broke something at home, and blamed it on your little brother or sister? And your mom found out it was actually you? And you got punished, not because of what you did, but because you blamed somebody else? What lesson did you learn from that?
And don't tell me that I don't know the law. Don't tell me I'm wrong when I tell you the prosecutor doesn't have to prove that you were intending to sell that dope to convict you of trafficking. Don't tell me that the prosecutor can't convict you of driving on a suspended license because the suspension period was up, even if you didn't go get your license back. Don't tell me that you can't be convicted of possession because the cops didn't find anything on you, even though the dope was locked in the safe in your bedroom. I didn't spend three additional years in school, LAW school, for you to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.
Do you think that you are endearing yourself to me by insulting me? Think again.